


The language of love

by itsthebat



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: 'the boy' is misha btw, And angsty, F/M, but i dont regret anything, mal is a jerk, nikolai's dad is a jerk too, there's nothing explicit i swear, this is so cheesy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 15:12:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13033827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsthebat/pseuds/itsthebat
Summary: When she kisses the boy good-night, he asks if they are going to marry now, and her smile says everything her lips don’t.





	The language of love

_Heartbeats_

     Even though her relationships with men have been a little hasty, she knows it when she finds the one. She knows it in the way his blond hair curls in his neck, the way his almond eyes gleam or his nose crunches when he finds something amusing. She is aware of every minuscule freckle around his nose and how his lips tighten when he doesn’t like something. She is able to recognise it when he calls her _lovely_ or brushes accidentally his tight with hers.

     She knows it by the way her heartbeats turn into fire when he whispers her name.

 

**Phenomenon**

He remembers a time in which he was littler, more naïve and believed in ghosts and witches and liked to guess how a ship worked or how the Grisha used their power as easily as he breathed. In this times he also thought that love was a phenomenon he would never experience, as he was a possible heir, if something happened to his brother. He would be betrothed with a princess and never find love. He thought daily about this unfortunate event.

     Until he met her.

 

_Sunshine_

She is not known by being a happy person, as she doesn’t want her heart broken by someone who knows too many secrets about her soul. But when sunshine passes by and she sees how beautifully coloured the sky is, she decides that there is a person who she would risk having her heart broken by.

     So she runs up the stairs and wakes him up while sunshine creeps into the room.

 

**Heart**

He knows that the heart is just a muscle that makes blood run through the veins, but when he thinks about her crooked nose and her white hair and her pink lips he forgets how to breathe and the blood gets stuck in his cavities and he has to urge them to flow before he dies.

     Is this really how the heart is supposed to work?

 

_Qualities_

When she can’t sleep and her heart starts to grieve the moments she spent with her previous love, she clutches the boy to her side and challenges her heart to stop. And instead of thinking about the tracker, her heart starts to wonder about the prince and how many qualities he has.

     She decides that the best is the way he smiles.

 

**Future**

The future is something he doesn’t like thinking about, as it changes constantly, but he can’t stop imagining one beside her.

 

_Talking_

When she tells the boy about the prince, she tells him about the time he was a pirate—no, no, a privateer—and his red hair and bright eyes and broken nose, and then she tells him about how he saved her and how he wanted to marry her and then the boy stops her and asks, “Do you want to marry him?” and when she asks why, the boy answers, “You talk about him as if you wanted to.”

     Maybe she has to stop talking so softly and merrily in case the prince is around and notices this, too.

    

**Welcome**

She comes bruised and scratched from the orphanage and he wants to ask if she’s okay, and who did this? But before he can do it, she rounds her arms around his neck and cries silently on his shoulder, and this is not the welcome he had prepared for her.

 

_Choosing_

She knew she shouldn’t have gone visiting the orphanage she once lived in, as she knew he was going to be there, but she went anyway. When she received a fist to her eye and a kick to her rib, she started to run and didn’t look back.

     She knew choosing him again would be a bad choice, but she did anyway, and now that his arms are wrapped around her waist, she sees the big mistake she made.

 

**Desires**

He desires her when she wears her blue dresses. He desires her when she thinks no one is seeing her and smiles brightly. He desires her when her voice echoes throughout the palace. He desires her when she kisses him softly on the cheek.

     But mostly, he desires her when she looks at him.

 

_Celebrating_

The boy celebrates his tenth birthday crying because his mom is not there, and she can’t help herself before the first tear rolls down her cheek and then a second and then a third and then she can’t stop at all.

     Because she has no mom either.

 

**Me**

He doesn’t know if he is still he when she passes by his side and says hi and he wants to kiss her.

 

_Giving_

She doesn’t want to give him a part of her, so she hides it deep in her heart. But, when he waves his hand, it seems like he already has this little part of her soul.

 

**Games**

He laughs when she pushes him and he falls to the water, and he laughs when he takes her hand and pulls so she falls beside him. He laughs when she nudges his elbow, and he doesn’t stop laughing when she kisses his shoulder.

 

_Winner_

They say she won the war, but when she awakes in the middle of the night calling for darkness to go away, she knows in her heart that she lost.

 

**Flames**

When he stares at the flames creeping, he doesn’t see fire at all, but her face.

 

_Tree_

Can you say that the brush of lips under a tree in the middle of the night is a real kiss?

 

**Reality**

It slips away when he’s with her and his hands are under her shirt and suddenly she’s jerking away, blushed. When she mutters, “They can see,” he think about the saints watching them and prays for them to go away just tonight.

 

_Ecstasy_

“You should tell him,” says the boy when he notices how she’s looking through the window to the lake, where he’s working on another of his flying boats. She asks him, “What?” without looking at him at all. “Everything,” the boy answers, and she feels a surge of urge in the pit of her stomach.

 

**Better**

He doesn’t know if he’s better than the tracker, but all he wants to do is let her be herself without her turning away from him.

     But, if she has to, he’ll let go.

 

_Birds_

They sing their sweet songs while they run together hand by hand, having the infancy they never had.

 

**Life**

He feels warmth spread through his body when she takes off her shirt, and he immediately knows that no princess would have made him feel as alive as he’s feeling now.

 

_Hands_

They are everywhere and anywhere, and she knows that this time she has made the right decision.

 

**Love**

When they make love, it’s clumsy and tiring and instead of kissing their teeth chatters against each other, as they kiss while laughing and laugh while kissing. It’s all new and strange, but this is what he wants.

 

_Further_

Their hands clasp together afterwards, and this is the moment in which she realises that she wants it, too: she wants a part of him.

 

**Together**

He doesn’t give her a part of him, he gives her his soul entirely, and once she’s seen it, she doesn’t back away, but stays closer and closer and he can see it now, too—the darkness she bears is the same as his.

     So they share it, and now it is lighter.

 

_Deep_

He shallows her screams and deep in her soul she shakes.

 

**Beautiful**

This time, when he offers her the jewel, she doesn’t say no, but embraces it, lives it, and he thinks she’s the most beautiful person to exist.

 

_Wonderful_

“It would fit me better,” says the Squaller, but she knows she’s only joking, as then she admits, “But green is not my colour.”

 

**Limitless**

When his parents arrive for the coronation, she is by his side every time, and he feels safer. “They are proud,” she mutters, but he catches the words with his lips when no one is looking.

 

_Essential_

When she kisses the boy good-night, he asks if they are going to marry now, and her smile says everything her lips don’t.

 

**Relationship**

It takes a while for the kingdom to accept it, but he doesn’t care, he can wait. He’s been waiting his whole life for having someone by his side.

     If someone asked him if he prefers his country or the girl, he would answer, “My life,” and only he would know that it’s _her_.

 

_Down_

The day she starts liking herring, she knows something is about to go down.

 

**You**

She’s everything he has asked for.

 

_You_

He’s everything she wanted but didn’t know she wanted.  

 

**World**

It stops spinning to stare at her when she laughs, and when it starts moving again, everything seems brighter.

 

_Memories_

The memories she has with the tracker don’t fade away, but the ones she has with the prince are stronger.

     They are the ones that matter.

 

**Journey**

The night before he leaves to go west, they share whispers of love and screams of pleasure and he promises her that when he comes back, he’ll ask her to marry him. “Will you say yes?” he asks, and she giggles and kisses him harder.

     He backs away slowly and repeats, “But will you?” and she rolls her eyes, “It depends.” “On what?” he murmurs. “Will you bring me a present?” “Maybe,” he smiles and she closes her eyes. “Then that’s my answer.”

     Maybe.

 

_Good-bye_

It’s not very hard to say good-bye, as they know they’ll meet again, but it is hard not to cry while she’s seeing him go away, as it reminds her of the time the tracker left her.

     So she starts to run after him.

 

**Names**

He hears her screaming his name so he turns back and sees her there, her feet covered in snow, her face flushed. He worries something is wrong, so he stops his horse, his men, and frowns when she shouts, “Come back!”

     They kiss one last time and whisper each other names before separating.

 

_Sick_

When she wakes up and the first thing she does is vomit, she calls for her Tailor. When she vomits a second time, she calls for her Heartrenders. When it occurs a third time, she calls for her Squaller.

     However, when she passes away, she can’t call for anybody.

 

**Breaking**

The letter arrives sooner than expected, and it says that the girl is not quite all right, but not to worry, they are sure it’s nothing.

     He doesn’t know how to make sense of this and breaks.

 

_Strange_

When she wakes up a few hours after, all she wants to do is eat herring.

 

**Hurts**

The black veins on his hands seem to turn blacker now that she’s far away, and every night he prays to the Saints for them to go back to normal before he falls asleep.

 

_Letters_

In her letters she tells him that she’s okay now, that he has nothing to worry about. She also tells him to bring her herring as a present.

     Then she’ll say yes.

 

**Herring**

How she likes herring suddenly after disliking it with all her soul a few months back, he has no idea.

     But he goes looking for someone who will sell him some right after receiving her letter.

 

_Agony_

The nights feel so lonely without him by her side.

 

**Days**

He doesn’t only count the days that are left for him to see her. He counts the hours, minutes, even seconds.

 

_Sleepless_

She can’t sleep, not only because he’s not there, but because her stomach hurts too bad.

     Is she sick?

 

**Boats**

He misses flying in his boats as much as he misses her smile.

 

_Truth_

“Oh, Saints,” the Tailor says when she’s doing her hair. “I think I know why you are so sick.”

     She asks her why, and the Tailor pulls her hair before saying, “You are carrying another person inside you.”

 

**Miss**

He misses the privateer’s red hair and broken nose, and he realizes that he misses a lot of things lately.

 

_Crying_

Why she cries until she falls asleep that night, she has no idea. Isn’t she supposed to be happy?

 

**Coming**

He tries to sleep a little while he’s on his way, but all he sees when he closes his eyes is her face, beaming, and he can’t wait another second.

 

_Noticing_

She wonders if he will notice the bump her stomach is now.

     It’s noticeable, at least.

 

**Luck**

The minute he sees her white hair in the distance, her flushed skin, her bright eyes, all he can do is dismount his horse and run toward her. She laughs when she notices him coming to her, and the moment his arms are around her waist and her hands are on his cheeks and their lips touch, he realizes how lucky he is.

      However, the Squaller snorts, “If only we were in public.”

 

_Cheers_

Once they are alone, he says, “I brought you your herring.” So she says, “I brought you a child.”

 

**Tact**

She lifts her shirt and only now does he notice the bump, and he wants to cry or laugh or cry and laugh. But instead he lets his hands rest on her stomach and he can swear that he is the happiest man alive.

 

_Queen_

Their wedding is a social event, the most important of the year. Her dress is not tight as the one his mother wore so her stomach will come unnoticed, and the veil she wears is the same white as her hair, and she trips while walking to the altar, but everything is just marvellous.

 

**Fall**

He wonders, can you fall in love several times with the same person?

 

_Guessing_

He wants it to be a boy, and she wants it to be a girl. After hearing his reasons, she says, “You see how _well_ boys have ruled the kingdom.”

     The king doesn’t refute.

 

**Light**

She makes him take off his gloves every night so she can hold his hands in hers, and although she doesn’t have her light anymore, it feels like she’s healing every wound he has inside his soul.

_Father_

When his parents come again to celebrate the upcoming birth of their grandchild, she tells the Tailor to hide for a while. She should have taken this advice herself, as she goes one night to breathe fresh air and encounters his father.

     He takes everything away from her as he says, “You like my son, and you should like me too.”

 

**Lost**

She cries when she tells him what happened, and he immediately imprisons him. They judge the previous king, and he is hanged for all his crimes.

     But this, he knows, does nothing to heal her.

 

_Grieving_

He cries after his father dies, but he’s crying for her.

 

**Time**

They say that time cures everything, but he doubts it can cure this.

 

_Tailor_

Without her, she knows, she would be dead by now.

 

**Keys**

He opens the room for their future child, and the keys cling when they touch the floor as she hugs him and cries.

 

_Water_

She’s walking beside the lake with her Heartrenders when water spills down her legs.

 

**Screams**

She screams harder than he has ever heard her scream, and he doesn’t know her pain, but he embraces it with all his being and tries to make it easier.

 

_No_

She doesn’t cry only because it hurts; she cries because she doesn’t know how she is going to be a mother if she doesn’t even know how to take care of herself.

 

**Please**

She doesn’t want to take the baby in her arms, she doesn’t want to know if it’s a boy or a girl or hear anyone. She doesn’t stop sobbing and she doesn’t stop grieving for something he does not understand.

     He asks her please, but she is so broken he doesn’t know if she’s ever going to be whole again.

 

_Shut up_

Three days pass before the Squaller makes appearance. She sees the girl crying, so she holds her baby and says, “Don’t you dare looking away now that you have this, because I swear I’m not answering for my actions if you don’t hold this goddamned baby right now.”

     The girl looks at her, then her baby, and spread her arms wide toward them. She clutches the baby to her chest and mutters, “It’s a girl.”

     The Squaller says, “Shut up and feed that thing before it starves to death.”

 

**One**

“I told you,” she says when he enters that afternoon and sees her holding the baby. He cocks his head to one side and she continues, “it would be a girl.”

     He laughs for the first time in three days and hugs both wife and daughter, and maybe she isn’t whole, but he isn’t either, and maybe the three of them make one.

 

_Breathless_

She sees the tracker on the streets one day, and they stare at each other for a lifetime before he lowers his eyes and looks at the baby she has on her arms. Some boys call after him, but he is frowned. She wakes up from her trance, walks toward him and kisses him on the cheek and whispers, “I forgive you.”

 

**Breasts**

He brings herring for dinner, and she tells him she doesn’t like it anymore. He’s about to ask her about it, but she is faster and says, “Do you think my breasts are bigger?”

     The king climbs into de bed and buries his head between them, making her giggle. “No,” he concludes.

 

_Help_

Nights are quieter but also noisier, when the baby’s cries announce themselves to the Palace. She holds her to her chest and tries to lift her shirt to feed her, but she can’t do two things at the same time. She struggles and her eyes start to water at the thought, _I can’t._

But then he comes and takes the baby and she lifts her shirt with both hands and he says, “You needn’t do it alone.” She sniffs and he ruffles her hair. “I’m here to help, what else?”

 

**Babies**

He is good with girls and politics and ruling a kingdom, but he has nothing to offer to babies, who cry whenever he’s around. Nonetheless, when he holds his daughter while her mom unbuttons her shirt, the baby doesn’t cry.

     She _laughs_.

 

_Dresses_

She struggles to put on the one that has been chosen for her, as it has too many holes, too many fabric. The Tailor laughs and helps her getting it right, then whispers, “This is gonna be a problem for your king.”

 

**Stars**

That night, after everyone is gone, they lay on the grass outside, and they hold hands instead of a baby. She feels guilty, so does he, because they are enjoying not having their daughter for one moment. He carefully slips his gloves away and touches her neck with his fingertips and she shivers.

     It’s been so long since they saw the other’s soul for the last time that they are as clumsy as the first time. He climbs on top of her when she wants to get him closer, and he kisses her neck, her lips, her cleavage and doesn’t leave any skin forgotten. She kisses him softly and when he’s trying to guess how to take off her dress, someone shouts, “Who’s there?”

     They get up quickly and run and run and run, hoping that only the stars saw them.

 

_Wrinkles_

When she reaches twenty-eight years old, she starts fearing that she will live more than anyone she meets.

     But then. Then she sees a teeny tiny wrinkle forming on her forehead, and she starts running to tell him.

 

**Old**

When he sees her coming toward him and yells, “I’m getting old!” he has less than a second to prepare himself for the hug she gives him. The Squaller snorts, but he forgets her when the girl’s lips are on his.

 

_Tracker_

When she sees him again, he’s buying something in the market and she’s walking with the king, arms hooked, smiles matching. The tracker stops and frowns, and she tries to ignore him until the king says, “Isn’t it—” but she interrupts, “I don’t know.”

     The tracker calls her name, but she doesn’t want to notice.

 

**Again**

When he has to go west again, he kisses her and jokes, “I hope to see another baby when I come back.” And she snorts very Squaller-like and retorts, “Don’t get your hopes up.”

     It’s quite impossible for her to be pregnant again, since they haven’t made love for a long time, but he wasn’t joking at all. 

 

_Flowers_

He comes back two weeks later, and this time he has not brought her herring, but a bouquet of wild-flowers. He has grown a blond beard and his nose is crooked, as if someone had broken it. “Were you in a fight?” she asks, but all she gets is a smirk and a wave of a hand.

     He says, “I was waiting for you to say, ‘Oh, my King, I missed you so much! Don’t leave my side again!’” She huffs, “I’m the one leaving if you say that again.”

 

**Up**

When she turns around he catches her by the waist and lifts her to his shoulder. She shouts for him to put her down, but he king is stubborn, everyone knows that, so he ignores the kicks and punches he receives and keeps on walking.

     The maids look at them smiling, some laughing. The Tailor and her husband stop talking to stare and the Squaller raises her eyebrows as they pass. The queen screams, “What do you want?” and he does not say _you_ because it would be too cheesy, so he says instead, “A voyage.”

 

_Boats_

His flying boats are something she has never liked too much, because they turn her senses into air, but her daughter hasn’t inherit this from her, as she laughs when they are beyond the clouds, as her dad.

 

**Beards**

She says once the baby is asleep, “You have to shave it,” and he answers, “Why?” and she says, “Because you’re the king,” and he answers, “So what?” and she says, “I don’t like it,” and he answers, “So _what_?” and she finishes, “I’m not going to kiss you with that.”

     He shaves his beard with a permanent scowl.

 

_Sea_

They land on the sea a day later, and their daughter, almost eleven months, is mesmerized by the water she sees. Pleased, he announces, “She’s totally like her father—”

     “Which is not any good,” she comments.

     The King throws her into the water.

 

**Squaller**

The Squaller mutters from behind, “Why do I have to be always with you two?”

     So the Kings throws her into the water as well.

 

_Revenge_

With a rush of wind he falls, too.

 

**Cold**

By night they are all feverish and with loads of blankets over them, but it was worth it—well, except for the Squaller.

_Confess_

The words slip out of her mouth before she can even think what she’s going to say. Or maybe they don’t. Maybe the words have been there for a long time, waiting for an opportunity to come out. She whispers, “I miss being a commoner.”

 

**Softly**

He slips his hand below the blanket and holds hers, but not before she removes his glove. And he understands—he misses being a privateer, and misses being free.

     The Squaller and the baby are asleep, so he moves closer to her and the kisses they share are the softest kisses to exist.

 

_Morning_

She’s seasick when she wakes, so she spends the whole morning vomiting overboard. She wants to throw herself overboard. The Squaller, who seems to be everywhere now, snorts, “Don’t tell me you’re pregnant again.”

     “Of course not,” she says, though she wishes she were.

 

**Forbidden**

He wants to visit the city of thieves and murders—he knows someone who would protect him—but the girl takes the baby from his arms immediately after he suggests it and walks away, muttering to herself how stupid he is, wanting to go there.

 

_Slowly_

This is the last night they’ll be aboard the boat, so when it is dark and everyone is asleep, he sneaks into her room and tickles her sides, waking her up. At first she doesn’t react, but when he lifts her shirt and presses his cold hands to her waist, she tries to slap him. He backs away and then lays by her side, kissing her neck. She tries to cup his face, but she has to turn around to do so and is too asleep to do that, so mutters, “Come here,” and he obliges.

     She rounds her legs around his waist and hooks her fingers in his belt loops and he presses again his icy hands to her flesh. She doesn’t ask why are they so cold because she knows that his veins are also black. Instead she kisses his lips and the crook of his neck and when he is making his way down her stomach he looks at her, asking silently, _Is this okay?_

     And she whispers in equal silence, _This is perfect._

 

**New**

He might have missed his red hair or crooked nose or blue eyes. He might have missed sailing and inventing and being free.

     He might have missed a lot of things but, Saints, how had he missed her.

 

_Home_

It took her a while, but finally she has understood that she is her own home.

 

**Papa**

When his daughter calls him for the first time, he holds her in his arms so tightly his wife fears he’s going to break her, but the baby laughs, as always, and he couldn’t be happier.

     He truly couldn’t be.

 

**_This_ **

Life keeps going and you keep breaking and you keep healing and this, _this_ is what they want to feel every morning when they wake up and, with sleepy voices whisper to the other, “I love you.”

     **_This_** is love.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!


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